You know you've been in Cambodia for too long when...
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- Eating without a few stray dogs and/or cats under the table would feel lonely. And where would you put your scraps then?
- You crave rice for breakfast. And lunch. And dinner.
- $1 for an iced coffee is a rip off! (Even though the ten-espresso-strength coffee with the two centimetres of sweetened condensed milk at the bottom has to be the best thing you've ever had).
- Pineapple with chilli-salt and green mango fish salad start to taste really good. As do those roasted bugs.
- Chicken feet in your broth are perfectly fine and the smell of Durian makes your mouth water.
- You can order hot egg ("Buong Gdow") at your favourite street food place without being laughed at or beaten up because you said "dick with balls/eggs" instead ("Buong Gdoh").
- You appreciate the army of ants in your room for the clean up work they do. You keep everything remotely edible in the fridge for the same reason.
- Bowel movements make for perfectly fine dinner conversations and you've mastered the skill of pulling down your pants while running to the toilet to save time. (Never trust a fart in Asia.) Also pointing a high pressure water hose ("bum gun") to your rear side is perfectly normal.
- You no longer wonder about the sense or nonsense of your bathroom layout. Two shower heads? Shower right next to the toilet so you can do two things at once? Towel holder right under the shower? Missing drainpipe under the sink? Hey, at least there is a bathroom with running water. Maybe even hot water.
- You've come to terms with the crusty mix of dust and sweat building up on your skin every day.
- You think that it's a bit warm while your laptop kicks in overheat protection and shuts down with reliable regularity.
- You actually wear the hippie pants you bought from the markets.
- Being called Rita instead of Tina really is close enough.
- You suspect a zombie apocalypse when you go anywhere to the villages without being crowded by kids waving at you and fighting amongst each other for the privilege to hold your hands.
- You're used to complete strangers wanting to take photos with you. Actually, why not ask that girl over there for a facebookable photo that looks like your making tons of new friends?
- You take traffic lights as a suggestion and taking a left turn into the wrong side of the road feels perfectly safe. (Sorry Mum.)
- You haggle down your $70 fine to $5 without batting an eyelash. On the few occasions when you don't manage to just ride away from the police.
- You're getting greenish looking fuel for your motorbike out of a vodka bottle.
- The TukTuk drivers lingering in front of your guesthouse greet you like a superstar because all of them and their dog - sorry - kid had a ride on your rockstar 200cc motorbike.